They say, “The first love of any girl is her father; the only man who would never
hurt her and always treasure her”, and such was my first love, my Bouji, Harbans
Lal Anand. Two months ago, on this very day I received the news of his passing
away
and I have never felt so empty. This is a hollow
ness
which refuses to go away and how can it, when I have lost my King
-
the
human
being most precious to me in this entire universe.
Three months ago, on
22nd April when I left Haridwar, I didn't know that it would be the last time I would be meeting Bouji and seeing him alive again. I travelled to Mumbai in
the
hope that I will soon be back to meet my Bouji and will see him fit and fine but on 8th May when I traveled to Haridwar, I
was in the know that
my Bouji
wa
s no more and
that
I w
ould
never be able to see his face again
;
w
ould
not be able to hear his strong voice again.
Hard fact of Life.
But I am sure he can see me and hear my voice from up above in the heavens, protectingme & caring for me forever. Time makes you realize constantly about the values of our Loved Ones. We need to seize every moment and cherish it for Life. And so, I have captured all lovely moments which I spentwith myfatherbefore he left us
Bouji, myfather, my Dad-I keep thinking about him even though it pains. I still remember some of his cute antics like asking me how many tablets I was giving him everyday. I’d give anything in this world to relive those memories again. I never knew that being fatherless would make me feel so aimless, worthless, powerless,heartless and helpless at this juncture of my Life. It hurts to think that he is not here anymore. Although I can’t help but smile with tears in my eyes to think of how we cherished each and every moment of our lives together whenhe wasalive. In the blink of an eye,he wasgone. It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.
Death changes everything, time changes nothing
.
I still miss the sound of your voice, the wisdom in your advice, the stories of your
life and just being in your presence. So, TIME changes nothing,
I will miss you forever, like how the stars miss the sun in the night skies. My mind knows you are in better place where there is no pain, you are at peace, I understand that, I just wish I could explain the same to my Heart.
I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice for one last time. I know
you are showering your Blessings and Shining Light
up
on all of us from Heaven.
Death: It doesn’t matter whether it has been weeks, months or years – the pain of losing a father will pinch his son or daughter for a lifetime. Anyone who
is
reading this will be able to relate to this fact if they have lost a dad who is so dear to them. 
Death and funerals are one of life’s bitter truths and there is no point in being in
denial. Today when Bouji is no more, I remember all my beautiful childhood memories, how much he loved & cared for everyone
,
e
specially me
-
I was always his Bholi (
t
he
j
hal
l
i girl). At this very moment lying on my Bouji's bed, wearing one of his favourite red t-shirt, I can smell my Bouji, I can feel his
presence. I remember how much he cared for me and most importantly
,
how even today, he is watching down
up
on us like an angel that he has always been throughout his life.
I have stopped looking at the sky in the night, because destiny has taken away my life’s brightest star. I still get a lot of hugs, but none of them as warm as yours.
Right from the time when you held me in your arms to the day when you saw me off for my first day in school, I am holding today onto those beautiful memories that has made me the person I am. Bouji, you taught me to be strong but sorry I’m letting you down. I can never be strong enough to accept that you are no longer here. I miss you. Death may have taken you away from me, but you’ll forever be my dashing, strong
a
n
d
my life's Hero Dad. Even though you are not in front of my eyes right now, your picture in my heart will always remain beautifully pristine forever. Death took away not just my dad, but also someone who was my unsung hero.
I won’t immortalize you in the stars, because they fade away. I won’t remember you with a poem, for it will be forgotten one day. I will just keep you safe in my heart, so that you are with me in every way. Your memories have become my heartbeats – which means I am thinking of you all the time just to stay alive.
A free-spirited person like you can never be proclaimed dead. You may not be around in person but your spirit will live on forever in our hearts. My loss is Heaven’s gain. The best dad doesn’t exist in this world. That’s because he is in Heaven right now. I miss you Bouji and truly relate to my son,
My elder son Chitvan Chandhock’s words, “Life will never be the same now that our Rockstar Bauji has left us. He was my inspiration, my pillar of strength. I have never known a person as strong and as joyful as my ‘Bauji’. I will miss all those cricket talks and the time that we have spent together. Love you forever...Keep showering your blessings upon us wherever you are. Will always miss you.”
Today, it has been 2 months since I received a call from Bouji’s phone, didn't hear his warm and lovely voice. Bouji is gone forever. It's very difficult to come out of this grief but I want to thank my family and friends whose words of condolence touched my heart. Hard time reveals true friends who care for you. Condolences are not just an expression of sympathy, they are not just words – they are an expression of true feelings. Thank you for sharing our pain. There are no words in
the world that can make us find comfort, but thank you a lot for trying. Thanks to
all for praying with us be it on Facebook or sending special messages on my
phone. A special thanks to those who took the effort to call and those who came to meet me, reminiscing the good things they have learned from our dearest Bouji. Thank you for your sensitivity, compassion and humanity! Our Bouji was our hero and everything to us. Thank you for showing us that we are not alone in
our grief. It means a lot to us. God bless you all.
Seeing my unbearable grief and pain, my angel, my younger son Kashyap Chandhock messaged me this "Mom, it is not wrong to love and miss your loved ones, but it is wrong to keep mourning and grieving for them forever. Grief is actually quite SELFISH. When you grieve constantly you make your departed loved ones in the Spirit World miserable to see you so unhappy. In fact, grief creates a barrier and makes it more difficult for them to get close to you and help you. By mourning you retard the growth of the departed soul as you are not allowing them to do their work. They will be worried about you and will be unable to concentrate on doing their work in the spirit world." “I know it will be difficult for you but be strong mom. Accept that loss is a basic part of our life cycle. Whatever is born must die. Whatever grows must decay. These are universal laws. We tend to forget that these physical bodies are mortal. Everything we see around us will one day decay and cease to be. That includes all plants, animals, people, buildings, cities,the planet earth, the sun and even the galaxy. Everything in the physical universe is temporary. When this fact is understood, and accepted, we will begin to seek other, inner sources of security and happiness.The worst sight in the world is seeing you cry. I can understand that it is hard to lose someone who meant everything to you and you just can't live without them But you have to be strong mom You are our strength. Be happy n keep smiling Maaa. Bouji's blessings are always with you."
So now onwards we will cherish all happy moments that we have created with our Bouji
.
When your beautiful heart stopped beating, my heart just broke in two.
Knowing that here on Earth, there will never be another like you.
Missing you comes in waves, today I am drowning. The worst type of crying is the
silent one. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your
throat and your eyes becomes blurry from the tears. The one where you just want to scream. The one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you can't breathe anymore. The one when you realize that the person who meant the most to you is gone.
On 30 th December 2007 we lost our Mati, our beautiful mom n this year this day ,on 8 th may 2017 , we lost our Bouji too. It is Strange how life takes people down different paths but return them to each other after years have passed. They are together again up in their heavenly abode and I am left alone here , it's good knowing in your heart that they are together again and looking down on us ,constantly sending their blessings which I feel time and again. If you have parents on earth, spend time with them and share all your feelings with them before it is too late. I would give anything for one more day. Miss you Mati Bouji
Signing off
Madhu anand Chandhock
Madhu anand Chandhock
